Wednesday, February 2, 2011

The early days

Settling in as a family of four has had its challenges as well as those easy moments where you feel like you've been doing this your whole life. The easiest transition is watching Sam and Landon together, it's so sweet, and Landon is such a good big brother. He loves to hold Sam, he loves to share his blankie with Sam, he wants to help whenever and wherever he can and will excitedly run to grab a diaper and exclaim all the way back to you what a big helper he is. Landon loves his little brother and loves to tell everyone what a great big brother he is. For the record, Spongebob and Patrick are still in his tummy and Santa and Mickey have joined them in there. He says the doctors haven't helped him take them out yet.

I think I'm now realizing just what a tough time and how much of a toll it took on me when Landon was itty bitty. Between the feeding issues, his weight issues and reflux I guess I didn't realize until now just how much all of that pressed on me and has made Sam's early days a little more stressful than I would have liked them to be. Sam and Landon are two totally different babies, their pregnancies and labors and deliveries completely different. Landon was in preemie and newborn clothes for the first few months of his life while Sam skipped right over newborn diapers and went straight to size ones in the hospital. I know this, I really do. The anxiety is still there with Sam though, and is something I have to reconcile with myself somehow.

At his two week checkup on Monday he was just an ounce and a half away from birth weight. His pediatrician was and is totally fine with this, and I really needed to hear it from the doctor. I can't tell you how big of a weight was lifted off my shoulders to hear him tell me that he is fine and that he didn't need to see us again for six weeks or so unless I felt the need to come back sooner. Feeding a baby is stressful. I have more milk this time and we got Sam's tongue clipped to correct his tongue tie when he was a week old, but still not knowing for sure that your baby is getting enough food is nerve wracking. I'm starting to ease up a little, but it's hard. And those postpartum hormones mixed in with the uncertainty and the guilt about possibly not breastfeeding and making sure Landon gets enough attention as well is plenty for a new mommy to deal with. I will be forever grateful for our fabulous family and friends for stepping in to make sure we were fed and had plenty of support during these first few weeks.

Also on Monday Sam had his follow-up ultrasound on his kidneys. Dr. Lande called yesterday with the results and it looks like both kidneys are moderately enlarged. They're sending a referral over for us to see a specialist in Oakland next week. I know everything will be fine, I know that Sam is healthy and thriving overall, but as a mom you just can't help but feel cruddy that something is "wrong" with your baby.

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