Are we there.....yet??

We're officially six days away from baby Sam's due date. Six days, that means I'm over 39 weeks pregnant. I've never been this pregnant before, last time around I had a two week old right about now. There was plenty of anxiety and craziness with Landon's pregnancy, but I don't nearly remember it being on this level.

This time around things are much better physically, my blood pressure is in check and hasn't been concerning enough to warrant scheduling an induction. I've had some heart issues this time around and they've thankfully been quiet enough not to wreak havoc either. Phew. Don't worry though, it's not been without a teensy bit of drama in the last couple weeks. My doctors are watching things closely and we had a little adventure over to Labor and Delivery last week and I've since won myself twice weekly visits to see the doctor and have a non stress test done until Sam makes his appearance. I also can cross an emergency root canal off my bucket list since I had to get one of those done last week, and it's now infected (cue pain, numbness and swelling). Yippee. Yes, this is me, the religious tooth brusher with two whole fillings in my mouth. I won myself a root canal and I'm still trying to figure out how it happened.

Oh, the hormones. At least that's what I think it is; or hope it is. Either that or I'm going crazy, which is a possibility - ha! Really though, I don't remember being this mood-swingy last time. I've sworn off email and social networking sites for the most part because something is bound to either piss me off or make me cry happy/sad tears. Ho-Lee-Cow. Don't worry though, I'm not saving it all up for postpartum.

I cried like I'm sure baby Sam will tonight when putting Landon down for bed. Quiet, weepy tears full of happiness, hope, what I'm sure is fear, resolution....pick an emotion out of your hat, I'm sure it was in there somewhere. Tonight at dinner Landon looked like such a big boy sitting at the table eating his yogurt all by himself with his spoon and not spilling a drop. Sam kicked and it just about instantly brought me back to a time when Landon was itty bitty and wasn't quite getting the hang of eating solids. It seemed so permanent at the time, but that was all of probably two short years ago and didn't last nearly as long as it felt. Fast forward to bath time tonight. We're not officially on the potty training bandwagon because selfishly, I don't want to deal with the regression that will surely happen when Sam gets here, and Landon's not quite ready, but he does tell us when he has to "go" sometimes; like tonight. My big boy "went" in the potty all by himself - and not in the bathtub! Landon and Sam have a few pairs of matching jammies thanks to friends and family. I pulled out his 3T's and out fell the newborn matching pair for Sam. I remember when Landon didn't even FIT into those size newborn jammies, and practically swam in the preemies. Now the 3T's are a little big on him but a far cry from those newborns.

The wallop came when it was time for bed. We brushed teeth, combed hair, read stories and sang our lullaby songs. Usually we get a little backlash when the time comes to put Landon down to sleep but tonight he reached up himself to give me a hug and kiss and told me he loved me - totally unprompted. I passed him to Mark for more of the same before he crawled up to his pillow to lay down. Every now and then I'll lay down and snuggle with him, but that hasn't happened for quite some time (hello ginormous pregnant belly). Tonight as his little head hit the pillow he asked me to snuggle with him. I'm relishing these last moments of him being an only child and am soaking up as much as possible, just as I hope he's doing, so I grabbed a pillow and settled in next to Landon in his big boy bed. Mark turned on the goodnight music and off the light on his way out the door. I rubbed Landon's back and stroked his hair as I thought he was drifting off to sleep. At one point I stopped and put my arm down. Landon turned his head, put his soft little hand on my cheek and said, "I love you Mommy," before turning himself back around and settling into his pillow. On came the tears. When I thought he was reaching for his blankie he grabbed my hand, snuggled it up next to his cheek and stroked my arm as softly and gently as I'd done for him. I knew he'd finally drifted off to sleep when all was still. More tears. Lots more tears.

I don't know what I did to get so lucky as to have such a sweet little guy (with another on the way to boot) and I can't help but reflect back over the last two and a half years with all the ups and downs and be just amazed at what my life has become. How much richer I am, how crazy different life now is, and how I can't really remember - and don't care to - what life was like before this little being entered our world. I also can't help but think about how life will now change again in the days, maybe even hours to come.

Landon knows he's going to be a big brother. Ask him who is in mommy's tummy and he'll tell you that baby Sam is in there. And then he'll lift up his shirt and tell you that he has a baby in his tummy, it's Spongebob and Patrick (thanks to our neighbor's Christmas lawn decor). Yes, he understands....but does he really? Probably and probably not. I'm excited to introduce Landon to his brother, but at the same time my heart is pulled in another direction knowing and wondering what changes this will bring to our seemingly perfect little family.

Oh, the hormones. Cue more tears. Come on, Sam, let's get this show on the road.